Tinder : In Three Acts

Prologue :

Experimentation makes life bearable.

Adventures at the cost of friends makes life spicier, and throw up interesting anecdotes.



“Why don’t you download Tinder and have fun ,man ?” I entreated Rotten. “What is there in it for me? I’ m married,and quite happily so, thank you very much. I value domestic peace and harmony over tasting different flavours of wine. One(more)slip, and the fragile, uneasy equilibrium might collapse, and hostilities might ensue.”

Never one to miss out on such promised action (like possible outbreak of hostilities), I surreptitiously downloaded the App on Rotten’s phone. That was two months ago. “You need not taste the flavours. But you should not deny yourself the pleasure of smell and sight. Whatever happened to your libido? Are you a man anymore, or a wimp ? ”

Dare the jackal, awaken the wolf !



Act 2

The Toiletpaper of India (ToI) carries a lot of valuable information on romantic liasions of stars, sexual problems, fitness trends, bedroom tips , relationship advice and  latest technological trends .

Yesterday ,I chanced upon an article on free/paid Apps that help you to check if your partner is using any dating apps. CATCH A CHEATER, and COUPLE TRACKER seemed like deadly weapons of mass destruction, waiting to be fired upon straying weaker halves.

I love my friend, Rotten.

I love his wife, Blah-shit, too.

Whenever I have a new weapon in my hand, I cannot but help testing it.

It was sheer coincidence that I found her online, just as I was pondering over what I had just read. It seemed only natural that I seek her opinion on the article, and hence dropped the link on her WhatsApp page.

I knew Rotten was now a reformed man. Had he not declared that he was no longer a seeker ? Did he not sing about virtues of domestic peace and harmony? I saw no point in seeking Rotten’s views on COUPLE TRACKER.


Act 3

“I’m dead, you motherfucker.Why did you have to download that App on my phone.”

“Did you get caught in the act, dude.”

“What act, you silly asshole.I just logged in a few time to check what the fuss was all about. That too only because you keep trumpeting about your exploits every other day. Why do you not like happy homes?”

“Oh ,so she did download Catch the Cheater or Couple Tracker then.”

“What ! you know such apps exist ! Why did you not share this before?”

“Dude,I read about it yesterday itself.”

“And bastard,the first thing you did was to forward it to my wife ! Is that so ? How else would she know? ”

“But that was not my intent. You know well that it can never be my intention.I have never used these spying apps. How could I have assumed your stock is so low that she would use it immediately to spy upon you. Whatever happened to the noble ideas of love and trust?”

“Thanks anyway.I’m royally fucked.She is after my life.I was trying to hook up with someone and now she knows about it”

“What the fuck ! You didn’t share that you were using Tinder to get hooked, you son of a bitch.”

“So that you would provide Blah-shit the name ,number and address of that girl.”

“Dude ,your wife was online and I just sent her a link. David Cameron just handed you a lifeline.Dunno why, but he is using Tinder to connect with the young voters ahead of the Euro vote. This can be a valid enough reason for an Anglophile like you to take to Tinder. Your love for all-things-Pommy is not exactly a secret.”

“Fuck off , you turd. And why would I need to connect with strange women for ? What can be the alibis?”

“Over Euro vote! Over Delhi polls ! Or just seeking opinion on Love Jihad or Ghar Vapsi ! You just blindly followed what your hero Cameron did. The idea is not bad, you see. That would expose you in your full retarded glory. After all UK cannot afford BREXIT.”

That was the last I heard of the matter. I keep forwarding counseling and relationship advises to Rotten and Blah-shit, but receive no replies. Perhaps, they have blocked the fount of knowledge.



A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Newspapers carry pearls of wisdom.

Mindless forwards can strengthen relationships.


#tinder #datingapps #catchapartner #coupletracker #ToI



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